~LOL Doesn't Always Mean 'Laugh Out Loud'~

    I went on my daily walk, just a few minutes ago..and I was walking and a song that reminded me on my ex came on- AKA my first kiss. The song was 'Just The Way You Are' by Bruno Mars. He caused me so much pain. Let me tell you the story of Javan- please know he is NOT a bad person, hes one of the sweetest people I think I have ever met! It all started in 5th grade- I was home schooled at the time due to an unfixable incident at my old school. [The incident is far to personal to post on here...:/] Anyway, We were both homeschooled. On my Birthday, we had to go take OAA's at the mall. (Ohio Achievement Assessments) Well here's about 9 5th grade students in a little room in the mall. We all got assigned seats. I got seated next to Javan- the most annoying, weirdest kid in the room. I mean- Here he was(5th grade) reading Harry Potter and chewing his gum like a freaking cow!! I mean, I laugh at it now.. but then, I was so annoyed I thought I was going to die! It was terrible! He had one quality most guys DON'T have though- he was one of the sweetest guys ever. He talked to me, and I talked  back- to be nice. After the mall, I didn't think I would ever see him again. I was wrong. After begging- my mom finally let me go back to public school. I started re-attending public school in 6th grade, the 1st year of Junior High. The night of our orientation, we got to see our lockers,classroom, and our classmates.  Somehow, me and Javan got side-by-side lockers. He didn't look much different from when I had seen him at the mall, so I said "Um hey, I think I know you. Were you homeschooled last year?" and he said "Yes. Your Rebecca." and we had our first REAL conversation. I was thrilled to know at least one person before starting public school! Well 6th grade started..and Javan had a VERY obvious crush on me- at the time, I was too busy falling for Timmy. Timmy was 'perfect' Every girl's dream.. He wasn't argent..he was the sweetest guy I have ever met. We ended up in Study Hall together- and he sat across from me and said "Hey I am Timmy." and he was one of my first friends. (This was the first day of 6th grade.) Anyway, Javan had a huge crush on me. He asked me to the lock-in dance. (We had lock-ins, and at the lock-ins we had dances).. I said yes, I was very thrilled to be honest!!! Well the lock-in came around and I went, all excited. Well. At the time, Javan was a video-game freak, and at the lock-in, there was a game room for the gamers. When it was time for the dance, I went to find my date..and he wouldn't leave the freaking room! He said he 'didn't dance.' and I ended up sitting in the hallway crying. I broke up with Javan- just because he wouldn't dance with me. So the summer came..and I really don't remember what happened. I don't anything did.. But 7th grade came. We again, had side-by-side lockers..and his love for me was deeper then it had been in 6th grade. At the time- I was OBSESSED with Timmy.. I wouldn't date ANYONE because I wanted Timmy so bad. EVERY DAY(No sarcasm..) Javan asked me out. He told me I was gorgeous, and that he liked me so so so much. I thought he was the most annoying boy in the universe- because he didn't have status like Timmy. That year, I got a teddy bear from Timmy.. because I asked him  if he would get me something for Valentines Day. I found out he didn't buy the bear.. it came from a friend. (Did I mention the nose was eaten off the freaking thing?) well the next day.. I got a stuffed dog for Valentines Day from Javan. He bought it with his own money. He told me he would never give up. Finally I said yes, and broke up with him when he called me 'sweetie' (I was really stupid..) Well again- summer came around..and this time, I realized I had a crush on Javan.. so one day I got on Facebook and randomly said to Javan "Javan! I like you!" He was REALLY surprised by the comment, and he asked me out.. and I said yes. At the time, My mom was weirded out and hated the idea of 'summer dating' and made me break up with Javan. That was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.. It really really was. Well, He took that as a sign to move on. 8th grade started. (Last year.) and I kept asking him out.. I imagine I asked him just as many times as he asked me. He said no every time. I can't blame him, I did the same thing to him. Well on December 10,2010, Our school held a dance. He had asked me to go one week before the dance. His girlfriend had dumped him and he asked me. I said yes. The minute he sent the text..I sat in my kitchen- and screamed. (The kind of scream that people scream going down the first big hill of a roller coaster.) My brother was freaked out, he kept asking me if I was OK. (He swore I was hurt or upset!!) I explained to him I had a date for the dance. Well after the dance, one of my BestFriends was having a Birthday party- strictly for couples. (Total makeout session!!!) All week, Javan, Courtney(My BestFriend), and Javan's best friend- Joe kept taunting me! They were saying how I had a HUGE surprise for Friday. I knew what it was, I couldn't wait. I tried getting him to ask me out before- so I could have my first kiss at the dance, and he kept saying he wanted it special. So I waited. Finally- Friday came, school went fast due to a 2 hour delay, and then the dance was finally here. I hung out with Javan,Courtney,and Joe to whole time. I honestly was 100% convinced he was going to ask me out AT the dance.. Well slow songs came and went..and he held me close and we danced..and he didn't ask me out. I texted Courtney as we were dancing BEGGING her to tell me when he planned on asking me. She swore she didn't know. When we weren't dancing.. Javan and I sat in the bleachers.. He ran his fingers up my leg(I was in skinny jeans.. So nothing was gonna happen!!) and he kissed my neck and we held hands. I don't understand how we DIDN'T get in trouble.. We were totally being all PDA-ish in front of the teachers, they didn't seem to care. Well the dance came and went..and I still had no kiss- or boyfriend. (Kissing on the neck didn't count.!!!) So I went to Courtney's house with her, and we talked about how I had a blast with Javan and what not. And she told her fun with Joe. Sense we had an hour to kill before the rest of the couples got to the party..We put short shorts on and sweats. (Haha, long story..) We talked and set up for the party- blankets so the couples could cuddle and hold hands without her parents knowing. It was all planned out. The time came, the rest of the couples showed up, and it was time to party! I got nervous, I didn't know what to expect for a kiss. Well, as Javan knows.. I have an obsession with sitting on the floor.. and so he was being a huge tease. He would play pool with Tyler(The only single person there!!) and then he would come trip me and make me fall on the floor, then he would play with my hair, 'go in for the kiss', back away, and go play pool again. I swear he did this 8 times before he finally pushed me to lay down, and then he lay next to me, and then he whispered (REALLY softly and gently) "Will You Go Out With Me?" and I whispered back "yes." and he layed on top of me, and kissed me really gentle. My first kiss was in the dark, laying on the floor at a party. I felt so numb it was crazy. I didn't move or moments, just kept thinking "Ohmygosh.. Javan took my first kiss..and i love him!" and I watched him play pool, and every so often, he would come over and kiss me again..and again..and again. Every time just as soft as the last. Then he pulled me up and all 4 couples squeezed ourselves on the small couch and cuddled. Javan and I locked hands and he kissed me hand,my cheek, my neck, and my lips.It was perfect. then he sat me on a stool against the wall, and we kissed several more times. he even managed to tickle my tummy softly. Then we all decided to play hide-&-Seek in the dark, oh that was a good time. We all hid as couples and had a ton of fun. It was amazing. We moved from the floor, to the couch, to the stool, to the pool-table..and it was so much fun. I left the party feeling like I could fly. Well I got so many i love you's, and notes and texts saying everything wonderful about me. I felt so perfect. Beautiful. I felt like I had a purpose for living. I can't lie- I felt like I would last forever9or at least a few months with him). On our one week, we argued who would stay up till Midnight to say Happy One Week first. I won. Then he swore he would stay up on our One Month. Well our 2 weeks landed when we had Christmas Break. (Actually- our 2 weeks was on Christmas Eve) We talked till we passed out. On Christmas, I got the biggest chock of my life- Javan broke up with me. (Yes, On December 25, 2010.) I sat in my room bawling harder then I have in my life. Well dinnertime came, and I pushed my tears inside of me. Then my mom asked me what was wrong, and I just lost it. I was bawling at the dinner table on Christmas..and she knew. She told me I could skip dinner. (I was so not hungry..and wasn't hungry for like the next 3 weeks!) So I sat watching everyone eat. Nobody talked to me. (Not to be rude, but everyone knew.) So here I was, Lost the love of my life on Christmas. Well, the next day.(Sunday) my mom let me skip Church and I stayed home. I stayed in bed and cried until I realized I had to change my relationship status on Facebook.. So I walked down to the computer and saw that he had already changed his.. I lost it. I read the comments and cried that everyone seemed HAPPY! I changed mine, to single.. and I was sitting there crying..starring at my default picture- which was a photo of the 2 of us. (Obviously.). One week after the breakup, Javan told me to stay away from him. He deleted me off of Facebook, told me to never text him again, or to talk to hi mat school. It was the hardest thing ever. The rude comments he made about me. Like one day his best friend said something about kissing someone, and Javan said "Yah! I would kiss anyone in this hallway, oh except her.." looking at me, and he said her like I was a diseased animal or something. I cried over that, and many other things. Two months later- Javan and I were forced to be together due to a writing competition. I had broken up with my boyfriend(Yes, I did date someone else..I don't know why I said yes- there was NO feelings there WHATSOEVER!). like 3 days before the competition. He asked me on the way to the competition how things were with Nick. I said I broke up with him.. and we had our FIRST conversation in 2 months. It was awkward but it felt right. Well on the way home, I started to cry. I didn't even realize it, I just started to cry. Javan asked me what was wrong, and I was like "Why do you even care?" and hes like "Because I don't want you to be sad." and he came and sat in my seat.(We were on a bus.) and he made me show him my wrists. (He always swore to kill me if I cut, which I never wouldn't.) and I said I missed him..and he hugged me and said we could be friends with him. Ever sense February, we have been friends! He is still one of my BestFriends. It hurts knowing we will never be a couple again, but I am happy to have him in my life. I will ALWAYS have A TINY BIT of feelings for him. Every '10th day of the month, I smile.. and every 25th day, I cry. I miss him but I know he made me happy. I have learned to forgive him. He's an amazing person, and I know he will always be there for me. (And for those wondering about the song, Just The Way You Are, was our song.) Even though I have current boyfriend, I will never forget my first love. Who can? Well that's my little love story.
~December 10, 2010-December 25,2011~
Well I love you guys<3
~BeccaBoo.