16 Days

Ohmygosh!! Readers, the next 16 days will be so long for me!!:( my boyfriend Jacob, just called me, to tell me:
baby, i love you so so so much, and your the best thing in my world, and im going to miss you so much, im going to New York for 16 days, for a Youth Conferance for church..

We talked for 20 minutes... Both of us in tears about this!!:( He then had to give hiz phone to his mom, who just texted me:
Hey Becca, this is Jacobs mother, he asked me to please tell you that he loves you so much and is going to miss you greatly. He promises to text you the second he lands in Ohio on the 16th.

Here i am, FREAKING OUT that my love is going to be in an airplane, i will be praying impossibly hard for his trip, I am at the same time jealous of him for going to New York. I have ALWAYS wanted to see New York. *sigh* in 4 hours.. My boyfriend wil be on his way to Detroit Airport. I love him so much and I already miss him, i have a countdown of numbers already on my wall, and i already am prepared for an extra blog. I love you baby, have a safe trip, lots of hugs/kisses, i wish i could say godbye to you atthe airport, but our goodbye made me cry happy/sad tears. I love you.

This blog is called 16 days. I will post 16 blog posts about how i am dealing with the absense of my boyfriend, along with my daily blog- these reLly arent formal as the other ones arent- NOTE--- i am doing these ones at night on my iPod.. And there mght be excesive typos, sorry. :( so yes. How do you guys deal with a long absense away from your boyfriend/girlfriend/spounce? (ITS 11:11!!!!)

My Best Friend.

My best friend might be shy, or my best friend might say hi.
My best friend might be seven, or my best friend might be in heaven.
My best friend might be a boy, or my best friend might like to buy a new toy.
My Best Friend might be little, or my best friend might be trying to learn to play the fiddle.
My best friend might might be smart, or my best friend might be trying something tart.
My best friend might be tall, or my best friend might be  trying to fall.
My best friend might be trying math, or my best friend might be taking a bath.
My best friend might be my brother, or my best friend might have come from my mother.
I don't know who or where your best friend is- but my best friend is my brother.
He is 7 years old, and he is the best thing in my life. He gives me to courage I need to go through everyday. 
Carlos- I love you so much buddy. <3

~Loosing Doesn't Mean Forgetting.~

Hey Readers, So a few of my readers have e-mailed me some questions, and I would like to share the questions, and obviously my answers!


Question One:Where did the idea of your Blog title come from?

Answer: To be honest, it took me a while to come up with a title I liked- I came up with it because I was thinking about how I lost Javan(My 1st love, if you haven't read my other blog stories..) and I will NEVER be able to forget him. I was thinking about all the friends I have lost in Middle School, and the family members that I have lost, but that doesn't mean I have or will have to forget them. Most of my stories, are real life experiences that have made me stronger or are making me stronger, and I just thought it was an appropriate for my style of blogging.! :) Great question!! :D

Question Two: What did you see in Javan??

Answer: Ah, Good question. I really really don't know what sparked my heart that summer. I was just like, whoa, I like him! And He is GORGEOUS! He's got the Justin Bieber hair, the gorgeous blue eyes, and a cute tummy. :P So I thought he was sexy. (Mind you, he didn't get his sexy-ness till the summer before 8th grade. :P Thats when he stopped tucking in his shirts. XD) and I realized he was ALWAYS there for me, he ALWAYS let me brag to him about how amazing I thought Timmy was, even though I knew he liked me and Timmy didn't. Like, I DID ask Timmy out once, and Javan supported me every minute of the way, even when Timmy rejected me. So I guess it finally hit me that he was one of the sweetest guys ever, and I couldn't judge him based on popularity. I still think he's one of the sweetest guys ever. He has apologized to me so many times for the breakup, and I have forgiven him. So I guess I just saw who he really was, and liked him. <3

Question Three: What is the hardest part of your relationship with Jacob, or in Long Distance Relationships altogehter?

Answer: Trust. It is VERY difficult to have a solid trust for the other person. Javan, is my one friend who I can talk to about LDR Trust because he has been in one also, and the girl cheated on him. So the answer is trust, its even harder because I have NOT met Jacob yet. (He lives 45 minutes away, but our schedules aren't matching up for a date to the movies.) So not knowing who he is in person, makes the relationship a ton more harder. If he is the same person as he is through text/phone, then I am not worried. So I am hoping for the best, because I do have very deep feelings for him, and I honestly believe my feelings will skyrocket (for the better!) when I finally meet him. I do not believe he is cheating on me, and I really hope he's being honest.

Question Four: What is your favorite song, Why?

Answer: I really can't answer this question!! :( I have SO many favorites right now. I will have to say 'Super Bass' by Nicki Manaj is in the top 5 because I recently learned how to rap the whole thing! :D Goo me!!! :D

Question Five: Would you take Javan back if he asked you?

Answer: Well, I couldn't be much happier then I am now with Jacob, so as of right now, No. If something major happened to me and Jacob, I might reconsider, but I'm highly doubting a breakup.

Question Six: What is one quality that is important in picking a guy?

Answer: THE ABILITY TO MAKE ME SMILE! :D :D <3 Honestly, the simple things make me smile, and I think it is very important that a guy can make me smile. <3 Things like saying 'i love you' or calling me cute names, or sending cute flirty texts can make me smile. So yah, definitely in the top 3 of important qualities.
 :) Thanks for asking that, it made me smile to think of what makes me smile! :D (And I didn't even start on the in-person ways to make me smile.. ;) )

Question Seven: What one quality do you love about YOURSELF.?

Answer: Ohhh boy. Umm, My ability to make people smile, and my ability to help people with their problems. (I chose 2, is that alright?) When I make someone smile, then I feel like I made someone's day a little brighter, or I am easy to be fun around! I love making others smile.. and it usually isn't hard for me. <3 As for helping people with your problems, I swear that is my calling in life- to talk with people through their problems! (I'm considering a profession in this field!) I LOVE helping someone with their problems- it makes me feel so good to know someone will listen and follow my advice! (Readers, don't be afraid to e-mail me with a problem, I will give my 2 cents <3) So yes, I love these 2 qualities about myself! AMAZING question, this one was fun to answer. <3

These were today's questions, Thanks reader's for the questions!! If you have any questions/comments/ect.. then email me(: I would LOVE to hear from you guys! { Bigsister2one@yahoo.com }
Lots of love, Becca.

I Hate The Homecoming Queen!

    Girls- We ALL have had a moment,  err moments in our hectic lives where we don't feel beautiful. I was listening to my Pandora today, and a song- I Hate The Homecoming Queen[Emily Osmet] came on. It basically explains how Emily thinks the 'Homecoming Queen' at her school thinks she's all that and makes everyone else feel terrible about themselves. It's a VERY good song that can apply to ANY girl at any age, especially Highschool girls who try and try to be like the 'preppy,popular,'perfect' girl' at their school. I know I have tried to match my looks to those girls at my school. TERRIBLE MISTAKE! DO NOT DO THAT!!!! Although some girls seem 'perfect' , there is NO SUCH THING AS PERFECTION! This blog post is all about MY experiences about 'those girls' from 6th grade-8th grade.


Hey, So I don't know how many of my readers are comfortable with their looks. If you are, then I admire you! It took me a long 4 years to accept my imperfections. I am fortunate and never had to worry about my weight. I have my daddy's metabolism. I get really tired when people tell me "Oh you never have to get teased about your weight, your so skinny". Wrong. WRONG! Our school lunches are REALLY nasty, and most of the time I never ate them. So many people told me I starved myself and that I just did it to get attention. Wrong. The truth- I eat too much. I am such a junk-food-addict its crazy. It's really annoying how just because I happen to be thin, I get made fun of. Then, we have the girls who aren't size zero, who get made fun of for being 'overweight.' Excuse me, but I think EVERYONE needs to shut their mouth about who's too thin or too 'chubby' (I HATE the term 'fat', I REFUSE to use it.) until they can tell the public WHAT IS THE PERFECT WEIGHT? Why is it, that everyone is so quick too lash out at someone's weight to break someone's self esteem. Weight DOES NOT matter. If any of my readers are self-catious about your weight- DO NOT BE! Your beautiful no matter what your jean size is.

Another issue is having a perfect face- this is where my self-catious side comes out. I wear glasses and desperately need braces. I can not begin to tell you how much I have been teased for the fact that I need braces. It took me 4 years to finally stop caring. When I first started attending Public School (6th grade.) I got made fun of my imperfect smile..and I went home CRYING. I am now a Freshman and accept the fact I have an imperfect smile. I now am capable of believing someone when they tell me I am beautiful,cute,or pretty. In Middle School, Someone told me I was beautiful, and I fought with them. I didn't look like Maddie or Sarah or Abby and I desperately tried to look like them. I realize they are not more beautiful than me, we are equally beautiful. EVERY girl NEEDS to know and accept they are beautiful NO MATTER WHAT!!!! So what if you have acne, doesn't everyone? (Yes, even the girls with 'perfect' faces get undeniable zits at times!) It doesn't matter if you wear glasses- some pairs look extremely sexy and classy. Braces? I know so many people who WISH they had braces because they are cute. I love the look of braces- they are adorable, AND you get to pick your own colors- BRACES SHOW PERSONALITY!!!. Perfect smile? Go you! SHOW IT! Dont brag, but ITS OK TO BE PROUD! Another thing girls, its OK not to wear a bazillion pounds of makeup. So many guys find girls 'sexy' because they have a MASK of makeup on. I personally HATE foundation. I mean, I find it acceptable to wear on special occasions.. but I think natural beauty is much more gorgeous than a fake face. [NO GIRL IS BARBIE!] I wear eyeliner,mascara(Sometimes..I think 'long'lashes are kinda ugly..:P) and lipgloss. Wha-Lah! You have a pretty face still showing your natrual-ness.

I will continue this story later, I must go eat. Love You. <3

~LOL Doesn't Always Mean 'Laugh Out Loud'~

    I went on my daily walk, just a few minutes ago..and I was walking and a song that reminded me on my ex came on- AKA my first kiss. The song was 'Just The Way You Are' by Bruno Mars. He caused me so much pain. Let me tell you the story of Javan- please know he is NOT a bad person, hes one of the sweetest people I think I have ever met! It all started in 5th grade- I was home schooled at the time due to an unfixable incident at my old school. [The incident is far to personal to post on here...:/] Anyway, We were both homeschooled. On my Birthday, we had to go take OAA's at the mall. (Ohio Achievement Assessments) Well here's about 9 5th grade students in a little room in the mall. We all got assigned seats. I got seated next to Javan- the most annoying, weirdest kid in the room. I mean- Here he was(5th grade) reading Harry Potter and chewing his gum like a freaking cow!! I mean, I laugh at it now.. but then, I was so annoyed I thought I was going to die! It was terrible! He had one quality most guys DON'T have though- he was one of the sweetest guys ever. He talked to me, and I talked  back- to be nice. After the mall, I didn't think I would ever see him again. I was wrong. After begging- my mom finally let me go back to public school. I started re-attending public school in 6th grade, the 1st year of Junior High. The night of our orientation, we got to see our lockers,classroom, and our classmates.  Somehow, me and Javan got side-by-side lockers. He didn't look much different from when I had seen him at the mall, so I said "Um hey, I think I know you. Were you homeschooled last year?" and he said "Yes. Your Rebecca." and we had our first REAL conversation. I was thrilled to know at least one person before starting public school! Well 6th grade started..and Javan had a VERY obvious crush on me- at the time, I was too busy falling for Timmy. Timmy was 'perfect' Every girl's dream.. He wasn't argent..he was the sweetest guy I have ever met. We ended up in Study Hall together- and he sat across from me and said "Hey I am Timmy." and he was one of my first friends. (This was the first day of 6th grade.) Anyway, Javan had a huge crush on me. He asked me to the lock-in dance. (We had lock-ins, and at the lock-ins we had dances).. I said yes, I was very thrilled to be honest!!! Well the lock-in came around and I went, all excited. Well. At the time, Javan was a video-game freak, and at the lock-in, there was a game room for the gamers. When it was time for the dance, I went to find my date..and he wouldn't leave the freaking room! He said he 'didn't dance.' and I ended up sitting in the hallway crying. I broke up with Javan- just because he wouldn't dance with me. So the summer came..and I really don't remember what happened. I don't anything did.. But 7th grade came. We again, had side-by-side lockers..and his love for me was deeper then it had been in 6th grade. At the time- I was OBSESSED with Timmy.. I wouldn't date ANYONE because I wanted Timmy so bad. EVERY DAY(No sarcasm..) Javan asked me out. He told me I was gorgeous, and that he liked me so so so much. I thought he was the most annoying boy in the universe- because he didn't have status like Timmy. That year, I got a teddy bear from Timmy.. because I asked him  if he would get me something for Valentines Day. I found out he didn't buy the bear.. it came from a friend. (Did I mention the nose was eaten off the freaking thing?) well the next day.. I got a stuffed dog for Valentines Day from Javan. He bought it with his own money. He told me he would never give up. Finally I said yes, and broke up with him when he called me 'sweetie' (I was really stupid..) Well again- summer came around..and this time, I realized I had a crush on Javan.. so one day I got on Facebook and randomly said to Javan "Javan! I like you!" He was REALLY surprised by the comment, and he asked me out.. and I said yes. At the time, My mom was weirded out and hated the idea of 'summer dating' and made me break up with Javan. That was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.. It really really was. Well, He took that as a sign to move on. 8th grade started. (Last year.) and I kept asking him out.. I imagine I asked him just as many times as he asked me. He said no every time. I can't blame him, I did the same thing to him. Well on December 10,2010, Our school held a dance. He had asked me to go one week before the dance. His girlfriend had dumped him and he asked me. I said yes. The minute he sent the text..I sat in my kitchen- and screamed. (The kind of scream that people scream going down the first big hill of a roller coaster.) My brother was freaked out, he kept asking me if I was OK. (He swore I was hurt or upset!!) I explained to him I had a date for the dance. Well after the dance, one of my BestFriends was having a Birthday party- strictly for couples. (Total makeout session!!!) All week, Javan, Courtney(My BestFriend), and Javan's best friend- Joe kept taunting me! They were saying how I had a HUGE surprise for Friday. I knew what it was, I couldn't wait. I tried getting him to ask me out before- so I could have my first kiss at the dance, and he kept saying he wanted it special. So I waited. Finally- Friday came, school went fast due to a 2 hour delay, and then the dance was finally here. I hung out with Javan,Courtney,and Joe to whole time. I honestly was 100% convinced he was going to ask me out AT the dance.. Well slow songs came and went..and he held me close and we danced..and he didn't ask me out. I texted Courtney as we were dancing BEGGING her to tell me when he planned on asking me. She swore she didn't know. When we weren't dancing.. Javan and I sat in the bleachers.. He ran his fingers up my leg(I was in skinny jeans.. So nothing was gonna happen!!) and he kissed my neck and we held hands. I don't understand how we DIDN'T get in trouble.. We were totally being all PDA-ish in front of the teachers, they didn't seem to care. Well the dance came and went..and I still had no kiss- or boyfriend. (Kissing on the neck didn't count.!!!) So I went to Courtney's house with her, and we talked about how I had a blast with Javan and what not. And she told her fun with Joe. Sense we had an hour to kill before the rest of the couples got to the party..We put short shorts on and sweats. (Haha, long story..) We talked and set up for the party- blankets so the couples could cuddle and hold hands without her parents knowing. It was all planned out. The time came, the rest of the couples showed up, and it was time to party! I got nervous, I didn't know what to expect for a kiss. Well, as Javan knows.. I have an obsession with sitting on the floor.. and so he was being a huge tease. He would play pool with Tyler(The only single person there!!) and then he would come trip me and make me fall on the floor, then he would play with my hair, 'go in for the kiss', back away, and go play pool again. I swear he did this 8 times before he finally pushed me to lay down, and then he lay next to me, and then he whispered (REALLY softly and gently) "Will You Go Out With Me?" and I whispered back "yes." and he layed on top of me, and kissed me really gentle. My first kiss was in the dark, laying on the floor at a party. I felt so numb it was crazy. I didn't move or moments, just kept thinking "Ohmygosh.. Javan took my first kiss..and i love him!" and I watched him play pool, and every so often, he would come over and kiss me again..and again..and again. Every time just as soft as the last. Then he pulled me up and all 4 couples squeezed ourselves on the small couch and cuddled. Javan and I locked hands and he kissed me hand,my cheek, my neck, and my lips.It was perfect. then he sat me on a stool against the wall, and we kissed several more times. he even managed to tickle my tummy softly. Then we all decided to play hide-&-Seek in the dark, oh that was a good time. We all hid as couples and had a ton of fun. It was amazing. We moved from the floor, to the couch, to the stool, to the pool-table..and it was so much fun. I left the party feeling like I could fly. Well I got so many i love you's, and notes and texts saying everything wonderful about me. I felt so perfect. Beautiful. I felt like I had a purpose for living. I can't lie- I felt like I would last forever9or at least a few months with him). On our one week, we argued who would stay up till Midnight to say Happy One Week first. I won. Then he swore he would stay up on our One Month. Well our 2 weeks landed when we had Christmas Break. (Actually- our 2 weeks was on Christmas Eve) We talked till we passed out. On Christmas, I got the biggest chock of my life- Javan broke up with me. (Yes, On December 25, 2010.) I sat in my room bawling harder then I have in my life. Well dinnertime came, and I pushed my tears inside of me. Then my mom asked me what was wrong, and I just lost it. I was bawling at the dinner table on Christmas..and she knew. She told me I could skip dinner. (I was so not hungry..and wasn't hungry for like the next 3 weeks!) So I sat watching everyone eat. Nobody talked to me. (Not to be rude, but everyone knew.) So here I was, Lost the love of my life on Christmas. Well, the next day.(Sunday) my mom let me skip Church and I stayed home. I stayed in bed and cried until I realized I had to change my relationship status on Facebook.. So I walked down to the computer and saw that he had already changed his.. I lost it. I read the comments and cried that everyone seemed HAPPY! I changed mine, to single.. and I was sitting there crying..starring at my default picture- which was a photo of the 2 of us. (Obviously.). One week after the breakup, Javan told me to stay away from him. He deleted me off of Facebook, told me to never text him again, or to talk to hi mat school. It was the hardest thing ever. The rude comments he made about me. Like one day his best friend said something about kissing someone, and Javan said "Yah! I would kiss anyone in this hallway, oh except her.." looking at me, and he said her like I was a diseased animal or something. I cried over that, and many other things. Two months later- Javan and I were forced to be together due to a writing competition. I had broken up with my boyfriend(Yes, I did date someone else..I don't know why I said yes- there was NO feelings there WHATSOEVER!). like 3 days before the competition. He asked me on the way to the competition how things were with Nick. I said I broke up with him.. and we had our FIRST conversation in 2 months. It was awkward but it felt right. Well on the way home, I started to cry. I didn't even realize it, I just started to cry. Javan asked me what was wrong, and I was like "Why do you even care?" and hes like "Because I don't want you to be sad." and he came and sat in my seat.(We were on a bus.) and he made me show him my wrists. (He always swore to kill me if I cut, which I never wouldn't.) and I said I missed him..and he hugged me and said we could be friends with him. Ever sense February, we have been friends! He is still one of my BestFriends. It hurts knowing we will never be a couple again, but I am happy to have him in my life. I will ALWAYS have A TINY BIT of feelings for him. Every '10th day of the month, I smile.. and every 25th day, I cry. I miss him but I know he made me happy. I have learned to forgive him. He's an amazing person, and I know he will always be there for me. (And for those wondering about the song, Just The Way You Are, was our song.) Even though I have current boyfriend, I will never forget my first love. Who can? Well that's my little love story.
~December 10, 2010-December 25,2011~
Well I love you guys<3
~BeccaBoo.

~Hazel Eyes.~

Today should be a happy day. I have been dating Jacob for a month, today. I should be happy. I am, just I have a lot on my mind right now. Last night I was with a group of ladies for a Scrapbooking Crop. I had a blast until I checked my phone at 8:31 to a text saying "Dont hate me for telling you this" from one of my best friends- Liz. I knew it had to do with Jacob, she tells me everything about him. (Did I mention I am in a long distance relationship with Jacob? Well. now you know..) I went to the bathroom so I could freely cry- I knew the news had to be bad. My eyes watered as I sent "He's breaking up with me..isn't he? </3"  My heart pounded more violent then ever as I waited for her answer. "No, my friend said she saw him ask out another girl on Thursday. BECCA DONT BELIEVE IT BECAUSE SHE HONESTLY IS A LIAR" My tears fell hard, and fast. Here I am, sitting in the bathroom at a highschoool..crying harder then I have in a long time. Without thinking I texted my first love/ex/first kiss and said that I loved him.(As a brother.. but I didn't say brother..but I SWEAR thats what I was thinking- BROTHER) and he was just as thrown off my the comment as I was about my life at that moment. After that whole conversation I called Jacob, and he didn't answer. If it were not for the fact that I was sitting in a bathroom, and ANYONE could walk in at any moment and for the fact I was BAWLING..i would honestly have cussed him out right then and there. Instead, I just left a message saying "If you think its funny to break a girl's heart by cheating..your wrong." and I hung up and just cried harder. I was honestly more upset then I have been in a LONG time. About 10 minutes later, I called Jacob again.(Still crying.) and he answered:
Him: Hey.
Me: Hey. Why am I hearing rumors about you cheating on me? After I gave you my heart and told you I loved you..and MEANT it.
Him: Becca! No!! Why would I do that? Why are you even BELIEVING IT?!?!. I LOVE YOU!
Me: (Still crying) Im not. and I love you too
Him: You obviously are, and I swear I am not.
Me: Ok. *snifffles*
Him: Now I gotta go. I love you.
~Hangs up phone~

I HONESTLY don't think he's cheating, and I TRUST him with ALL my heart..but I am upset that the whole incident even had to happen. Its the first overly-emotional incident thats happened in the relationship. I learned that EVERY relationships  going to have fights- fights that are easy to work through- and fights that look like is gonna end the relationship. Its 10X harder in a LDR. (Long distance relationship). I love him, and I trust him..It is just VERY difficult. Liz even told me not to believe it and that there is NO way he would do that. (SHE goes to school with him). Jacob and I are in a VERY deep relationship, and it would kill me to see an end to it. It feels right knowing that I wrote out my feelings about this and feeling more confident in this issue then I did this morning. I want to say HAPPY ONE MONTH ANNIVERSARY JACOB MICHAEL! I LOVE YOU!. I am ready to enjoy my one month with my boyfriend now.
Lots of Love~ Becca. <3